Political Blindside

State Politics in Australia
It’s a Sad State of Affairs

It’s the Blind leading the Blind

Earlier this week, Victorian State opposition leader, Mr Mutthew Gay, (Mutt) was on the hustle in Geelong campaigning for the November 2018 State Election

Erotism, Swingers and Pets. Should be an interesting campaign

Maybe I misread the article or read too much into it
But as i see it, Mutt reckons people in Geelong should bring their Pets along to Swinger parties in an effort to curtail the recent explosion in population growth…WTF?

He’s gone so far off the reservation I almost felt sorry for him
Mr Mutt Gay is one sick Puppy
But before I could say, RUOK?

He went further off tap
With a promise to build a School of Erotism
Just for kids….Was this guy serious?
Too late now but RU486, the morning after pill would’ve been ideal for this head case

Hang on. Something’s not quite right here
Could I have Misinterpreted something?
And yes, this is Australian Politics and few nations do weird and bizarre better than our Politicians

But even by our standards, they’ve really dialled in the Loco factor here
Have I taken something out of Context?
What am I not seeing?

I’ll admit that my eyes aren’t what they once were
And I was well overdue for my OPSM checkup

So off we went

OPSM Store security refused us entry
No Dogs allowed in Store
Should’ve gone to Spec Savers first
At least they were working dog friendly
But not anymore

Spec Savers banned us for life
All because some young Autistic kid tried to slot a 20 cent coin into the top of my dog’s skull
The simpleton kept trying until finally Fred snapped and bit the dim bastard

Braille is now my best friend
Fred was destroyed by the authorities
A Misunderstanding they said

Sorry Guy. Sorry Andrew or whatever your bloody names are
Perhaps my distorted interpretation has caused you grief
But it’s my opinion. Misguided and Misinformed as it maybe

Let’s not call it Slander
Let’s not call it a Mistake
Let’s put this down, just like you did to Fred
To a little Misunderstanding

No hard feelings eh

Blind Freddy

Fred

 

aP

Bill Posters

I’m Voting for Bill in the 2019 Federal Election
It’s a Vote for Free Speech

Everyone knows the name. Few know the man
This is the background story on Bill
The underdog representing the oppressed. Not Bill Shorten
Bill Posters

Bill felt a rage towards a society.
He used to be the pin up boy for Free Speech
But not anymore. Lawmakers had turned him into a monster
He’d become a villain, a public enemy of sorts

Surely, Bill had rights? Wrong. Bill had problems

For Moron Bill’s Story, go to my Stories page or click here Bill Posters

 

aP

Green versus Blue

Green Versus Blue

Force of Nature

It was The Greens versus The Boys in Blue
It was No Contest

Two Australian Native Gum Trees were felled to make way for a gas pipeline
Local Residents took to the street in protest

Once upon a time, Victoria was known as ‘The Garden State”
It was also known as a State “On the Move”

Today, it’s Still Moving….towards a Police State

 

 

aP

Political Blindside

State Politics in Australia
It’s a Sad State of Affairs

It’s the Blind leading the Blind

Earlier this week, Victorian State opposition leader, Mr Mutthew Gay, (Mutt) was on the hustle in Geelong campaigning for the November 2018 State Election

Erotism, Swingers and Pets. Should be an interesting campaign

Maybe I misread the article or read too much into it
But as i see it, Mutt reckons people in Geelong should bring their Pets along to Swinger parties in an effort to curtail the recent explosion in population growth…WTF?

He’s gone so far off the reservation I almost felt sorry for him
Mr Mutt Gay is one sick Puppy if he thinks that
But before I could say, RUOK?

He went further off tap
With a promise to build a School of Erotism
Just for kids….Was this guy serious?
Too late now but RU486, the morning after pill would’ve been ideal for this head case

Hang on. Something’s not quite right here
Could I have Misinterpreted something?
And yes, this is Australian Politics and few nations do weird and bizarre better than our Politicians

But even by our standards, they’ve really dialled in the Loco factor here
Have I taken something out of Context?
What am I not seeing?

I’ll admit that my eyes aren’t what they once were
And figured now was a good time for my annual OPSM checkup
So off we went

But OPSM Store security refused us entry
I should’ve gone to Spec Savers first
At least they were working dog friendly
Not anymore though

Spec Savers banned us for life
All because some young Autistic kid tried to slot a 20 cent coin into the top of my dog’s skull
The simpleton kept trying until finally Fred snapped and bit the dim bastard

Braille is now my best friend
After Fred was destroyed by the authorities
A Misunderstanding they said

Sorry Guy. Sorry Andrew or whatever your bloody names are
Perhaps my distorted interpretation has caused you grief
But it’s my opinion. Misguided and Misinformed as it maybe

Let’s not call it Slander
Let’s not call it a Mistake
Let’s put this down, just like you did to Fred
To a little Misunderstanding

No hard feelings eh

Blind Freddy

Fred

 

aP

Malcolm on the Margins

Politics in Australia. There’s a Faction too much Fiction

What do our Politicians stand for these days and where do they sit on the political spectrum. Left, Right or somewhere in the Middle?

Don’t bother asking the Politicians. You gotta work it out yourself.
Take Malcolm Turnbull for example


I’ve been trying align his image to one side of the page

Tried to align it to the Left. That came up Short

Tried to align Malcolm in the Middle. Still too Short
And that was an American Sitcom. Made no sense. So that was out

Tried to align it to the Right. That was Perfect
That was Tight. A great Fit

Problem was he wanted it All
He wanted it All Right and Right now
Leaving no Space for others

I couldn’t Justify it
So I aligned his image to None

Not content playing a role in the peloton
Malcolm wanted to play his own game
And in 2015, he made his move
The mad monk, Tony Abbott was sent peddling into the sunset

Australia now had a new Prime Minister

And in 2016 after a Federal election win
By the narrowest of Margins
Malcolm managed to form a Minority government
Yet it wasn’t long before Malcolm was in a Muddle

Lines would be drawn and crossed
And they would continue to be drawn. And again they’d be crossed
The consequences of running the country on the edge of his Seat in a Divided House
Malcolm would eventually become a Footnote

But the real question lies in the big picture

As a nation, where’s Australia Heading?

To the Margins…
At least we’re all on the same Page

aP

Malcolm Turnbull

Vatican Vote Yes

Smoke Signals in the Vatican
It’s the dawn of a new era

Pope Benedict vacates the top job 
Gay Marriage endorsed by the Church  

Smoke Signals

 

 

 

 

After days of deliberation. indecision and Grey Smoke
The Vatican announce to the world via a White Smoke signal
They’ve chosen the successor to Pope Benedict

But they drew the line at embracing Gay Marriage
That was a bridge too far

So God got involved and sent his message
The Rainbow said Yes to Marriage Equality

Rainbow Signal

Heavens above
What’s next
Female priests at the Tabernacle?

aP

Good Mourning America

Donald Trump and his rug become the 45th President of the United States

Good grief. The Commander in Chief has a clear majority in both Houses of Congress giving him a mandate to run the country. 

Michael Moore, award winning political filmmaker is set to begin work on the sequel to Fahrenheit 911, called “Celsius 100 Million” 

Donald Trump
Tick tock tick tock

aP

The oestrogen we had to have 

Commentary on Australia’s PM, Julia Gillard and her Machiavellian play to take the top job from a beleaguered Kevin Rudd. She delivered the news with a much publicised late night visit to his office in 2010….That was then and

This is now, June 2013. Speculation is mounting of a Kevin Rudd comeback having spent the last 3 years plotting his next course. Who knows, he may just have the last laugh.

 

aP

Political Knock Knockers

Malcolm Speed Ball

Background:
In July 2016, former Australian Labor Party [ALP] Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd’s nomination for the UN Secretary General role was rejected. He claims he was betrayed by current Liberal Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull who initially endorsed his nomination and then rejected it. Humiliated and bitter, Rudd went on a media blitz challenging Turnbull to explain.
In 2010, former Liberal Party Prime Minister and cricket tragic, John Howard was unsuccessful in his bid to become President of the International Cricket Council [ICC] without any meaningful explanation despite having all the credentials. 

Turf Wars. It’s just not Cricket.  It’s Political..

Kevin Rudd clean bowled by a Malcolm Turnbull fast curve ball which hit Middle stump.
Rudd despatched without score.

John Howard run out when he was a shoo-in for the International Cricket Council (ICC) Presidency back in 2010.
Malcolm Speed, former ICC Chief Executive was Stumped
Both failed to score.

But It’s just not Cricket

Kevin was on the Left
John was on the Right
Malcolm was Right in the Middle of it

It’s Political and
It’s Personal

Over

aP

 

Make a Wish Foundation

I’ve just written to Make a Wish Foundation asking they help our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, carry herself in a more dignified, statesman like way

Specifically, I wished for :

1/ No More Tears
2/ No More Trips and Falls

They sent me a Bottle of Shampoo and a note saying I was allowed only one wish. Otherwise they would’ve called themselves Make a Wishes Foundation

So I wrote back
Told them No More Tears was a 2 in 1 Shampoo Conditioner
They conceded on a technicality and granted my second wish

They sent me a *Slater and Gordon Personal Injury Claim Form

aP

*Julia Gillard has a law background and at one time worked for the high profile no win no fee legal firm, Slater and Gordon 

Senator Nick Xenophobic

X marks the spot. Senator Nick Xenophon is the second Australian diplomat in less than a week to earn the title…Prisoner X

Australian Senator, Nick Xenophon was detained at Malaysia’s Kuala Lumpur airport earlier today. Malaysian Immigration Officials said that a database technical glitch was responsible for putting the Senator on their “Watch list”

The database was interrogated at length. Many lines of queries run and every time, the same answer. Next to the checkbox labelled Political Persuasion was “Xenophobic”

Further investigations by Malay authorities revealed the Diplomatic incident occurred because a data entry clerk had incorrectly entered the Senator’s name as”Xenophobic”

The data entry clerk has been fired. By a squad of 12.

aP

The Cabinet File

Background :

Two politicians from the Katter Australian Party (KAP) have bitten the dust for making inappropriate and bigoted homophobic comments. The first casualty was Tess Corbett. She has withdrawn her candidacy for a Senate seat after she linked homosexuality with pedophilia. And Queensland Senate candidate Bernard Gaynor was suspended from KAP after stating publicly his disapproval of gay teachers educating his children.

and I take the story from here

The Mad Hatter, founder of KAP, has outraged the community with the following very crude off coloured joke: ” What type of file do you use to make a hole the size of a ten cent piece into a hole the size of a twenty cent piece?…..a Pedophile.

He further added to community hysteria when asked about his attitude towards gay marriage. Specifically, about Cabinet member Penny Wong and her relationship with partner Sophie. He smugly remarked that two Wong’s don’t make a right.

The cantankerous Mad Hatter took exception to all the media attention. He didn’t understand what the fuss was about but acknowledged it was a public relations disaster. In an effort to salvage something for KAP, he sold the party message promising to keep Australia from sinking by plugging the ALP holes. “Get on board with KAP” was the slogan. Who was he kidding. He had no idea how he was going to plug the gaps.  Anyway, if this day was a sign of things to come, the party would implode  before the first sitting of Parliament as more gaffs and redneck vitriol would sink his dream. His Cabinet could very well end up looking like the “Penske file” popularised by Jerry Seinfeld.
[The Penske file was an empty file carried around the office by someone wanting to look busy]

A wave of nausea swept over him as he made the connection. Indeed, his KAP was a proxy Penske file. Because if he was honest with himself, what did he really stand for? Nothing. Nothing that made sense anyway.

He shuddered, then shook his head to will such thoughts away. He grabbed his Akubra and made a dash for the exit leaving the journalists scratching their heads.

aP