The Cabinet File

Background :

Two politicians from the Katter Australian Party (KAP) have bitten the dust for making inappropriate and bigoted homophobic comments. The first casualty was Tess Corbett. She has withdrawn her candidacy for a Senate seat after she linked homosexuality with pedophilia. And Queensland Senate candidate Bernard Gaynor was suspended from KAP after stating publicly his disapproval of gay teachers educating his children.

and I take the story from here

The Mad Hatter, founder of KAP, has outraged the community with the following very crude off coloured joke: ” What type of file do you use to make a hole the size of a ten cent piece into a hole the size of a twenty cent piece?…..a Pedophile.

He further added to community hysteria when asked about his attitude towards gay marriage. Specifically, about Cabinet member Penny Wong and her relationship with partner Sophie. He smugly remarked that two Wong’s don’t make a right.

The cantankerous Mad Hatter took exception to all the media attention. He didn’t understand what the fuss was about but acknowledged it was a public relations disaster. In an effort to salvage something for KAP, he sold the party message promising to keep Australia from sinking by plugging the ALP holes. “Get on board with KAP” was the slogan. Who was he kidding. He had no idea how he was going to plug the gaps.  Anyway, if this day was a sign of things to come, the party would implode  before the first sitting of Parliament as more gaffs and redneck vitriol would sink his dream. His Cabinet could very well end up looking like the “Penske file” popularised by Jerry Seinfeld.
[The Penske file was an empty file carried around the office by someone wanting to look busy]

A wave of nausea swept over him as he made the connection. Indeed, his KAP was a proxy Penske file. Because if he was honest with himself, what did he really stand for? Nothing. Nothing that made sense anyway.

He shuddered, then shook his head to will such thoughts away. He grabbed his Akubra and made a dash for the exit leaving the journalists scratching their heads.