Happiness Rut

Deer Season

Refer them to an expert:  See Below

Dear Friend
I was in a Rut yesterday. It’s a constant battle
But look at me now

The Deer Hunter

Deer Mount

Am I Happy today? You Bet
As for tomorrow, No Idea

The Happiness Curve. We all have our Ups and Downs
It’s only Natural

Peaks and Valleys
That’s Life

aP

God Friday

Thank God it’s Friday. But it’s no ordinary Friday. It’s Good Friday.

In the Christian calendar, Good Friday marks the beginning of Easter as we remember the day Jesus, the son of God was murdered
Tortured and then crucified

That’s hardly a Good day in my book

But 3 days later he made a comeback
Now that was impressive

Jesus, the Son of God pulled a rabbit out of the hat by magically returning from the dead
And how do you reckon we celebrate this miraculous resurrection?
With Rabbits and Chocolate

And while I’m on the subject, how do you reckon Christians remember his birthday?
With an old fat bloke in a red suit flying through the night sky in an open sleigh powered by 12 time travelling reindeer

Any speculation of the Messiah returning some day ends here
He will not be making another comeback

Why would he after his last trip?
And he’s got other worlds to save
We had our chance

No matter what you believe
For the pious..thank God for the Holyday
For everyone else..thank Goodness for the Holiday

Either way, it’s a day off work
It’s All Good

aP

ISS Expresso

The International Space Station (ISS) has it’s own expresso machine. NASA have dubbed it, the ISSpresso

and then planetBudge gets creative suggesting Ground control back on Earth had forgotten to send coffee beans  up with the expresso machine.
Here’s the conversation between the Space Station (NASAcafe) and Ground Control (NesCafe)

Begin:
Sipping Expresso in Outer Space…but they forgot one thing
Beans

ISS Expresso

NASAcafe:  Where are the Coffee Beans?NesCafe: Here at Ground Control

 NASAcafe:  No good to us down there.

 Get Beans here ASAP

NesCafe: How?

NASAcafe: Waddaya mean how..How Long before you get em up here?

NesCafe: How Long is in Vietnam

NASAcafe: Don’t get cute with me Ground control. Just Bean them up

NesCafe: Like a giant Coffee Beanstalk?

NASAcafe: No not a Beanstalk…For fucks sake you little stick fiddler, get my beans teleported up here. We need our caffeine

NesCafe: Just to clarify, did you mean Beam instead of Bean?

NASAcafe: YES I MEAN BEAM NOT BEAN.. Now just Beam them up. This instant

NesCafe: On its way

NASAcafe: Received 1 bottle of Jim Beam. Thanks. Fuck the Expresso

aP

Islamic State open rug franchise in Baghdad

Terror based organisation, Islamic State (ISIS) have partnered with hair growth company Advanced Hair Studio. The extremist group have announced there’ll be hell Toupay* if the West intervene.

A spokesman from IS issued a statement confirming the new strategic direction. “Our business is growing and so is our Headcount. Overhead costs need to shaved and further cost cutting measures are inevitable. To this end, we’ve engaged a Headhunting firm to recruit Al ‘Chainsaw’ Dunlap to Execute our strategy”

The IS model is simple:
The more hair you lose, the more head you’ll get.
Because at Islamic State, your head is in our hands

aP

*Correct spelling is ‘Toupee’ but some might pronounce it as Too Pee which wouldn’t work for the purpose of comedy

 

Siriously

Finally, a woman that understands me: Siri

She listens, speaks only when spoken to, follows instructions, is logical, intelligent, obedient and can Cook.
She exists only to serve her man. And its not me

Turns out that man is Tim Cook
Turns out she keeps no secrets at all

aP

Google Docs

Gone Missing: Letter to the Editor
How could this typo happen?
It’s Simple. 3 Reasons

The Age


1. Spellcheck = Ignored
2. Editor = Retrenched

3. Journalist = Cadet

At least I learnt something from the article. ‘Heath’ is a tract of wasteland, a shrubland habitat with infertile, acidic soils

Guess where I learnt that

aP

Political Knock Knockers

The oestrogen we had to have 

Commentary on Australia’s PM, Julia Gillard and her Machiavellian play to take the top job from a beleaguered Kevin Rudd. She delivered the news with a much publicised late night visit to his office in 2010….That was then and

This is now, June 2013. Speculation is mounting of a Kevin Rudd comeback having spent the last 3 years plotting his next course. Who knows, he may just have the last laugh.

 

aP