God Friday

Thank God it’s Friday. But it’s no ordinary Friday. It’s Good Friday.

In the Christian calendar, Good Friday marks the beginning of Easter as we remember the day Jesus, the Son of God was Murdered

First Tortured and then Crucified
Hardly a Good day in my book

At least he could hang out with Dad again
But it was to be a short lived re-union

The Old Man sent him back
To finish what he’d started

Jesus put his emotional needs to one side
This wasn’t about him
It was about us and all of our Sins
So 3 days later he was back

Jesus, the Son of God had pulled a rabbit out of the hat
Back from the dead. That was Impressive
But in celebrating and remembering his miraculous Resurrection
We get the Chocolates..
Chocolate Rabbits

And on his Birthday? No Cigar there either
We get all the presents

So any speculation of the Messiah returning some day ends here
He won’t be making another comeback
Why would he after his last trip?

Plus he’s got other Worlds to Save
We had our chance

No matter what you believe
For the pious..thank God for the Holyday
For everyone else..thank Goodness for the Holiday

Either way, it’s a day off work
It’s All Good

aP

Monkey Business at Neverland

NEWS FLASH

Lawyers acting for Bubbles, the Chimpanzee friend of the deceased pop icon, Michael Jackson, have launched legal action against the Jackson estate

In the writ Bubbles makes a number of explosive allegations about lewd sex acts at the Jackson mansion, Neverland. He claims sexual rituals and games like, “Spank the Monkey”, “Blowing Bubbles” and “Swinging” were daily activities inside the Jackson compound.

Bubbles also implicated Debbie Rowe, the Mother of Jackson’s two children as a regular participant in group activities. The Chimp said he was intimate with Rowe on many occasions and, get this, alleges they have a child together. And that child was none other than Canadian Crooner, Michael Bublè.

The twisted perversion continues. Bubbles has filed a paternity suit seeking sole custody. Bubbles hopes to show his son the Family Tree and his position in it. Lawyers will argue despite being a Monkey, Bubbles shouldn’t be denied access to his offspring.

Frenzied gossip columnists and media organisations were falling over themselves trying to confirm these astonishing revelations. Mr Bublè couldn’t be reached. No surprise there. He was probably still in shock trying to wrap his noodle around his new found status as part ape and part man. 

Jackson had been dead for years. So the Media thought God might answer their questions but he was in a meeting and unavailable for comment. However, they did manage to get a hold of God’s spokesperson, Mr George Burns.

Mr Burns confirmed that Michael Jackson had indeed arrived at the gates of heaven but was promptly turned away. Burns went on to say and I quote:

“Michael was heard singing I’m Bad, I’m Bad as he ascended the Stairway to Heaven. When he Knock Knocked on Heavens Door, God told him to tell HisStory walking. MoonWalking or by any other means. …. God didn’t care.
His message to the gifted freak was clear and final.

Don’t Blame your shameful tale of woe on the Boogie-man, Billie Jean or Narcotics.
Take a long hard look at the Man in the Mirror.
Now Beat it. Just Beat It.

And with that, the Pearly Gates of Heaven slammed shut.” said Burns

Michael did look. He grabbed a mirror Off the Wall and saw a person neither Black nor White. As he made his way down to Hell was heard singing, My Bad, My Bad..

 

aP

 

Political Blindside

State Politics in Australia
It’s a Sad State of Affairs

It’s the Blind leading the Blind

Earlier this week, Victorian State opposition leader, Mr Mutthew Gay, (Mutt) was on the hustle in Geelong campaigning for the November 2018 State Election

Erotism, Swingers and Pets. Should be an interesting campaign

Maybe I misread the article or read too much into it
But as i see it, Mutt reckons people in Geelong should bring their Pets along to Swinger parties in an effort to curtail the recent explosion in population growth…WTF?

He’s gone so far off the reservation I almost felt sorry for him
Mr Mutt Gay is one sick Puppy if he thinks that
But before I could say, RUOK?

He went further off tap
With a promise to build a School of Erotism
Just for kids….Was this guy serious?
Too late now but RU486, the morning after pill would’ve been ideal for this head case

Hang on. Something’s not quite right here
Could I have Misinterpreted something?
And yes, this is Australian Politics and few nations do weird and bizarre better than our Politicians

But even by our standards, they’ve really dialled in the Loco factor here
Have I taken something out of Context?
What am I not seeing?

I’ll admit that my eyes aren’t what they once were
And figured now was a good time for my annual OPSM checkup
So off we went

But OPSM Store security refused us entry
I should’ve gone to Spec Savers first
At least they were working dog friendly
Not anymore though

Spec Savers banned us for life
All because some young Autistic kid tried to slot a 20 cent coin into the top of my dog’s skull
The simpleton kept trying until finally Fred snapped and bit the dim bastard

Braille is now my best friend
After Fred was destroyed by the authorities
A Misunderstanding they said

Sorry Guy. Sorry Andrew or whatever your bloody names are
Perhaps my distorted interpretation has caused you grief
But it’s my opinion. Misguided and Misinformed as it maybe

Let’s not call it Slander
Let’s not call it a Mistake
Let’s put this down, just like you did to Fred
To a little Misunderstanding

No hard feelings eh

Blind Freddy

Fred

 

aP

Happiness Rut

The Age Newspaper posted an article on depression with advice on
“How to help a friend in a Rut” 
Here’s my Tip. I suggest you refer them to an Expert in His Field.
See Below

 

Dear Friend
I was in a Rut yesterday. It’s a constant battle
But look at me now

The Deer Hunter

Expert in his Field

Am I Happy today? You Bet
As for tomorrow, No Idea

The Happiness Curve. We all have our Ups and Downs
It’s only Natural

Peaks and Valleys
That’s Life

aP

ISS Expresso

The International Space Station (ISS) has it’s own expresso machine. NASA have dubbed it, the ISSpresso

and then planetBudge gets creative suggesting Ground control back on Earth had forgotten to send coffee beans  up with the expresso machine.
Here’s the conversation between the Space Station (NASAcafe) and Ground Control (NesCafe)

Begin:
Sipping Expresso in Outer Space…but they forgot one thing
Beans

ISS Expresso

NASAcafe:  Where are the Coffee Beans?

NesCafe: Here at Ground Control

 NASAcafe:  No good to us down there.
Get Beans here ASAP

 

NesCafe: How?

NASAcafe: Waddaya mean how..How Long before you get em up here?

NesCafe: How Long is in Vietnam

NASAcafe: Don’t get cute with me Ground control. Just Bean them up

NesCafe: Like a giant Coffee Beanstalk?

NASAcafe: No not a Beanstalk…For fucks sake you little stick fiddler, get my beans teleported up here. We need our caffeine

NesCafe: Just to clarify, did you mean Beam instead of Bean?

NASAcafe: YES I MEAN BEAM NOT BEAN.. Now just Beam them up. This instant

NesCafe: On its way

NASAcafe: Received 1 bottle of Jim Beam. Thanks. Fuck the Expresso

aP

 

Good Mourning America

Donald Trump and his rug become the 45th President of the United States

Good grief. The Commander in Chief has a clear majority in both Houses of Congress giving him a mandate to run the country. 

Michael Moore, award winning political filmmaker is set to begin work on the sequel to Fahrenheit 911, called “Celsius 100 Million” 

Donald Trump
Tick tock tick tock

aP